Arsen-LOL

So yesterday was a sack of arse. Evra didn’t get Frimponged, and Arsenal conceded 8 goals. On the plus side, Ashley Young did get 20 points in my fantasy league team and Arsenal scored 2 goals at Old Trafford in the league for the first time since 1984. There are silver linings everywhere, even in a dog shit. Dogs eat tin foil sometimes.

The team missing 8 players looked fragile and weak – like last seasons Carling Cup teams that couldn’t beat Ipswich or Leeds. Like an old man with no legs and no arms who refuses help walking to the shops. He’s got ‘great mental strength’ you see. Unfortunately for him, mental strength won’t get him to places that ordinarily arms and legs would. Arsenal have a fairly good first 11, beyond that they have nothing, no spare arms and no spare legs. And like the man with no arms and legs they’ve been left sitting in a puddle of their own piss whilst everyone just gets on with their seasons, occasionally looking back to pity us.

Of the missing players, Sagna and Vermaelen would walk into any team in the league at the moment. Gibbs is a promising young defender and looks solid and would easily get into most teams. Song and Wilshere wouldn’t be turned away by anyone, and are both now integral to Arsenals team. The jury’s still out on Diaby, but he’d have been an improvement on Rosicky yesterday even if he had of had an off day. Gervinho would have improved the team in place of Arshavin or Walcott as both of them were toss, and Frimpong would have Frimponged Evra, so, he would have definitely started in any team I picked.

The kids, Jenkinson and Coquelin, were fine to an extent – Coquelin didn’t put a foot wrong and in fact was the only player in Rooney’s first free kick to actually try and head the ball or close down. Rosicky didn’t look back and the rest of the wall looked like slack jawed dolphins waiting for a treat like a bunch of passionless dickheads. Jenkinson wasn’t so great but then he’s 19, inexperienced, up against Evra/Young/Rooney and totally exposed by the void of talent that is Theo Walcott. Walcott was probably right when he had a go at Jenkinson – the lad was out of position. The question Walcott needs to ask himself is why wasn’t he covering? Fullbacks and wingers overlap, the winger needs to be mindful of a break in the full back is committed – that Jenkinson said to Walcott “yeah, where were you, fuck off” is to the lads immense credit. Walcott is a senior member of the team now and instead of helping Jenkinson he just hid and dished out advice. I’ve never been a Walcott fan, but he showed himself up in a bad light yesterday. Jenkinson will learn, Walcott has had a fair few years and is obviously incapable – he didn’t even try and work back. He offered Jenkinson absolutely no protection all match. Half the time he wasn’t even in his position. That’s fine but he can’t go round telling other people how to play when he hasn’t got a fucking clue himself. The amount of times they doubled up on Jenkinson was horrendous and it was possible because Walcott was at the other end of the pitch tossing one off. I’m not surprised Jenkinson thought he needed to go forward and play for Walcott and ended up over committing – incidentally he did better in Walcotts position than Walcott did, showing the bollocks to create a goal for RVP. When Walcott gave away the penalty, most of you probably heard my anguished screams. A serious cabbage – Denilson got shipped to Brazil for doing that, hopefully they’ll just put Theo out of his misery.

Jenkinson was also let down by another experienced “senior” player in Djourou. Djourou played like a lame horse with shot legs who’d been blindfolded – the sending off occurred because he too failed to play football properly. He stepped up to play offside near the half way line and left Jenkinson 10 yards behind his man desperately trying to get back. He did and the impish little shit in red fell off balance with the contact. It was a clear yellow, and Jenkinson deserved to walk. It’s a shame for the lad though because he was the only player at the point still giving a shit and still running. There are things you can teach a footballer, positioning etc and a knowledge that comes with experience. Jenkinson will pick both of these up – and there are things that only come from the heart like passion, effort and commitment. Jenkinson showed all of these so I’m not worried about him at all.

Traore in comparison was a lazy sack of shit who spent the entire game chewing gum and practicing his balance on the touchline. It’s no wonder he gets farmed out every season and never picked even when we’ve only got the tea lady to play left back otherwise. News breaks this morning that he’s signing for QPR today. Good, he played yesterday like he had a foot out of the door, I hope Joey Barton gives him a kicking in training. The problem that leaves us with is we only have a single left back in Gibbs, a player made of cobwebs and magic. If we don’t sign a left back now before the window closes it will be prove beyond doubt that Wenger has had a breakdown. Fingers crossed?

I’ve already mentioned Djourou, who for the first goal didn’t even want to head the ball. Where was the desire? Where was the belief and need to absolutely go through Welbeck like he wasn’t there, heading the ball into space? Instead he lifted his arms in front of his face and cried. The missed penalty summed our senior players up – a bollockless set of lazy shits. If Djourou had of tried defending, if Robin Van Persie had of scored the penalty, if Walcott had of helped Jenkinson on the right, if Rosicky had of looked back and given a shit when they scored their free kick instead of walking away without even looking, if Walcott handn’t of conceded a penalty… we wouldn’t have conceded 8 goals, we might even have got a result. In tough times, missing 8 players or not, you want the senior players to stand up and be counted. Not run off and hide. Of the youngsters, only Jenkinson really didn’t much wrong in getting sent off and as I’ve tried to reason, Djourou and Walcott need to take a large dose of that responsibility.

Our form guide since the Carling Cup final is DDDWDDWDDLWLLDDLL which is an anagram of BOTTLING TOSSERS. Until the Arsenal players group together, decide not to be lazy, decide not to be morons then it doesn’t matter if you have Gary Cahill coming in, or Kaka or any other player – the results will continue to go down the toilet. Even Gary Cahill, who most of you assure me is the answer to all of Arsenals problems, conceded 3 goals at the weekend because like poor Carl Jenkinson he was surrounded by muppets.

Anyway Wenger said yesterday: “I am very open to signing players if we find players who can strengthen the team. We have a lot of people working on that”. If? IF?? FUCKING IF? I could name quite a few players that wouldn’t have lost 8-2, even Stoke won’t be humiliated like that this season. But, on a level I think I understand what Wenger means and it’s what I’ve been saying for a long time – the footballers at AFC are becoming lazy dipshits, who don’t try, and who don’t care. Obvious exceptions like Wilshere and Frimpong aside, no one at the club seems to give a shit – that’s an appalling attitude to have and it’s not a culture or ethos that will be changed at all by buying players. We need to get our fucking heads up before we drown.

Kieran (@kieran_delaney)

  • yemi

    Wenger is determined to put things right !!! But when and How?

  • Life after Cesc

    I quit being an arsenal fan. In Fact I am going to quit watching football. I can’t take it anymore. Feel like a looser.

  • john

    no no credit …there was no overlap jenko followed the united player out from his position at right back into the midfield in front of the united back 4 …theo was right …jenko fucked that up

  • Bonathan

    why have we not kept hold of eboue for another season while jenkinson is learning his trade? because jenkinson is good enough now we were told, well i’m sorry, but we could have done with eboue yesterday. And that’s nothing against jenkinson, it is not his fault he was thrown in there like that. 2 games for charlton in the championship was apparentely enough to convince wenger that he was ready to feature in approx 15 first team games this season. no need to throw caution to the wind and keep hold of eboue.

    thing is, when jenkinson comes good next season, wenger will say he was right, but hold on arsene, what about this season?? no one is doubting these players will come good, that’s what he doesn’t understand.

  • edison

    the curse of the navy/blue away kit of the 1995/6 season has returned.

  • prime

    free ticket? what a shame.

  • CON-MAN

    completely agree with the entire post Kieran, i have a saying, “big players step up in big time games”. We might still have lost yday but RVP’s poor excuse for a penalty was shocking. How he mishit the ball we’ll never know. Jenkinson can be good, but isnt ready.

    I like Arsene and I’ve got nothing against selling cesc/nasri, especially if they dont want to play, but doing with 4 days left in the transfer window and not buying adequate replacements is inexcusable. A player like Mata, simillar to nasri, could of helped us, but all this dithering in the transfer market is retarded. Utd make a £16m bid for Jones and its accepted. No faffing about jus get it done. Chelsea, £25m for Mata, no faffing just getting it done. Then look at us. We want Cahill. Ok so maybe we dont big £6m and its £8-9m, why not just get it done? If his release clause is £17m, PAY IT! otherwise what is the money for?

    The worst thing is agree wages are out of control and really 170k a week is nuts BUT the game has changed, Im sure you’ve all seen the Deus Ex: Human Revo trailer where they say the Darwin quote about its not the strongest of species that survive, its the ones most adaptable to change. I love this quote because it sums the game up today. Sure building a squad all ethical and through the academy is well and good but eventually you just have to be aggressive and adapt and if that means playing more then so be it!

  • Kodjo

    I’m afraid his 6 yr plan has imploded..i cant say we are in transition anymore. This is down right disaster!!! And yes there many players in the premier league on half the wages that players like Diaby, Denilson, Rosicky(i am not sure if he is even fit, Walcott etc are on who would have put in a fight.

    For Wenger to say that it is difficult finding players better than the current team is very disrectful to fans. Clearly there is a lack of depth in the squad and the quality is appalling to say the least.

    It is clear prior to the depature of Cesc & Nasri that we needed 5 players to augment the squad. Not world class players just good players to enable us challenge.

    We need a massive overhaul of the squad and pls get in players who are prepared to die for the club…cue Sol Campbell’s advise.

  • yemi

    @ Kodjo:
    It started a while ago. We always need one or two players to strenghten the team but we never do.

    Since viera left it has been like that.
    Once it was attack, then it was midfield, then it was defense, then it was attack again, then defense. Always short in one department.
    Now we are short in every department. I mean quality wise.
    We need a LB, CB, CAM, CF, DM, we can say jenkinson can hold fort for sagna.
    Ok frimpong for song should be a gradual process. Rambo for cesc will never work cos the vision is not the same.

    Chamack for RVP ? No no.

    So when will these be corrected ? We have 2 days left. We go and buy players that won’t get a work permit, or inexperienced player ?

  • yemi

    I will try to compare our squad with that of man u, man city, chelsea, liverpool, spurs to see how short we are in quality and experience.

  • yemi

    cont’d
    especially the first four teams in the league at the moment man u, man city, liverpool, chelsea.

  • Bonathan

    If we finish better than 6th this year, with our squad, i’d consider that a good achievement. i think once adebayor, diarra and parker are in that spurs side, they will have a better squad than us on paper. luckily they have a manager who is also defensively naive, did you see the midfield they started against man city? what the hell was he thinking? four offensive midfielders, only bale with any defensive instincs and he was out wide.

    We usually do better than our squad suggests we should so hopefully that will be the case this season as well. on paper, we have the 6th strongest squad.

  • Bonathan

    benayoun……….ffs

  • Kodjo

    Let’s see how the Board reacts in 2 days….

  • Kodjo

    Now the Board will probably be forced into panic buying instead of a thoughtful and measured approach.

    Other clubs are now fed up with our cheap-cheap-cheap approach!

  • Kiki

    So now that Traore has transferred out, what happens when both Jenkinson, Gibbs, and Vermaelen are out? Can Koscielny play on the flank?

  • Kiki

    Looks like we got Andre Santos! A wing back, seems decent enough for me. This is a start.

  • edison

    please not Benayoun…. or Alex for that matter.

  • Gooner Get Ya

    Apparently we are signing a LB (Andre Santos) and CF (Park Chu-Young) today.

    IMO we still need a CB to partner Vermaelen and a creative midfielder.

  • Gooner Get Ya

    I have a question. What formation would you play now Cesc and Nasri have gone? 4-4-2, 4-5-1, 4-1-3-1, 4-4-1-1 or stick to 4-3-3?

  • redondo

    Andre bastos. Didn’t get in the world cup squad as he was behind both bastos (who was playing out of position) and spurs reject gilberto. Has played much of his career as a left midfielder, good at going forward.
    We Hav paid more for this guy than Jose Enrique cost. Awesome business.
    Happy that we’ve at least addressed the problem and got some1 better than traore.
    Mertersacker. Can’t get on for bremen, our third choice (at best) Target, but wud not to pay the money for.

  • redondo

    Andre Santos I meant

  • piresistible

    what a fuck up eh…. kudos to the travelling fans. they dont deserve the vermin and the greedy board that is runnning this club to the ground

  • Kodjo

    If the figures quoted are correct it appears that we have paid more for Santos than Enrique. Enrique has premiership experience ….I do not know what the details are but it may be down to the wages of both players. Some economics…..

    My problem is that Vermaelen, Djourou, Gibbs will not last the season giving their injury problems and the length of their absence. It doesnt take a Dr to work out that it would probably take these players a full season to get back in tip top shape. The ques is have the club planned to cover the bases?

    The next problem is the tactical naivity displayed…we cannot simply play the same way all the time. Where are the football brains???? Non of the players seem to have made any on-pitch adjustments…Who is sending them out on these suicide missions???

  • vj

    Andre Santos, Mertesacker, Park Chu Young, all over 23? What’s going on, great work Arsene, but even if all those 3 do happen (and mertesacker is not confirmed) we would still need a winger and a CM. Now that Hazard and Kaka are out, whose left? Arteta (not good enough) Marvin Martin (big gamble), yann m’vila (unheard of). Here’s hoping Wenger signs 3 more tommorow