So yesterday was a sack of arse. Evra didn’t get Frimponged, and Arsenal conceded 8 goals. On the plus side, Ashley Young did get 20 points in my fantasy league team and Arsenal scored 2 goals at Old Trafford in the league for the first time since 1984. There are silver linings everywhere, even in a dog shit. Dogs eat tin foil sometimes.
The team missing 8 players looked fragile and weak – like last seasons Carling Cup teams that couldn’t beat Ipswich or Leeds. Like an old man with no legs and no arms who refuses help walking to the shops. He’s got ‘great mental strength’ you see. Unfortunately for him, mental strength won’t get him to places that ordinarily arms and legs would. Arsenal have a fairly good first 11, beyond that they have nothing, no spare arms and no spare legs. And like the man with no arms and legs they’ve been left sitting in a puddle of their own piss whilst everyone just gets on with their seasons, occasionally looking back to pity us.
Of the missing players, Sagna and Vermaelen would walk into any team in the league at the moment. Gibbs is a promising young defender and looks solid and would easily get into most teams. Song and Wilshere wouldn’t be turned away by anyone, and are both now integral to Arsenals team. The jury’s still out on Diaby, but he’d have been an improvement on Rosicky yesterday even if he had of had an off day. Gervinho would have improved the team in place of Arshavin or Walcott as both of them were toss, and Frimpong would have Frimponged Evra, so, he would have definitely started in any team I picked.
The kids, Jenkinson and Coquelin, were fine to an extent – Coquelin didn’t put a foot wrong and in fact was the only player in Rooney’s first free kick to actually try and head the ball or close down. Rosicky didn’t look back and the rest of the wall looked like slack jawed dolphins waiting for a treat like a bunch of passionless dickheads. Jenkinson wasn’t so great but then he’s 19, inexperienced, up against Evra/Young/Rooney and totally exposed by the void of talent that is Theo Walcott. Walcott was probably right when he had a go at Jenkinson – the lad was out of position. The question Walcott needs to ask himself is why wasn’t he covering? Fullbacks and wingers overlap, the winger needs to be mindful of a break in the full back is committed – that Jenkinson said to Walcott “yeah, where were you, fuck off” is to the lads immense credit. Walcott is a senior member of the team now and instead of helping Jenkinson he just hid and dished out advice. I’ve never been a Walcott fan, but he showed himself up in a bad light yesterday. Jenkinson will learn, Walcott has had a fair few years and is obviously incapable – he didn’t even try and work back. He offered Jenkinson absolutely no protection all match. Half the time he wasn’t even in his position. That’s fine but he can’t go round telling other people how to play when he hasn’t got a fucking clue himself. The amount of times they doubled up on Jenkinson was horrendous and it was possible because Walcott was at the other end of the pitch tossing one off. I’m not surprised Jenkinson thought he needed to go forward and play for Walcott and ended up over committing – incidentally he did better in Walcotts position than Walcott did, showing the bollocks to create a goal for RVP. When Walcott gave away the penalty, most of you probably heard my anguished screams. A serious cabbage – Denilson got shipped to Brazil for doing that, hopefully they’ll just put Theo out of his misery.
Jenkinson was also let down by another experienced “senior” player in Djourou. Djourou played like a lame horse with shot legs who’d been blindfolded – the sending off occurred because he too failed to play football properly. He stepped up to play offside near the half way line and left Jenkinson 10 yards behind his man desperately trying to get back. He did and the impish little shit in red fell off balance with the contact. It was a clear yellow, and Jenkinson deserved to walk. It’s a shame for the lad though because he was the only player at the point still giving a shit and still running. There are things you can teach a footballer, positioning etc and a knowledge that comes with experience. Jenkinson will pick both of these up – and there are things that only come from the heart like passion, effort and commitment. Jenkinson showed all of these so I’m not worried about him at all.
Traore in comparison was a lazy sack of shit who spent the entire game chewing gum and practicing his balance on the touchline. It’s no wonder he gets farmed out every season and never picked even when we’ve only got the tea lady to play left back otherwise. News breaks this morning that he’s signing for QPR today. Good, he played yesterday like he had a foot out of the door, I hope Joey Barton gives him a kicking in training. The problem that leaves us with is we only have a single left back in Gibbs, a player made of cobwebs and magic. If we don’t sign a left back now before the window closes it will be prove beyond doubt that Wenger has had a breakdown. Fingers crossed?
I’ve already mentioned Djourou, who for the first goal didn’t even want to head the ball. Where was the desire? Where was the belief and need to absolutely go through Welbeck like he wasn’t there, heading the ball into space? Instead he lifted his arms in front of his face and cried. The missed penalty summed our senior players up – a bollockless set of lazy shits. If Djourou had of tried defending, if Robin Van Persie had of scored the penalty, if Walcott had of helped Jenkinson on the right, if Rosicky had of looked back and given a shit when they scored their free kick instead of walking away without even looking, if Walcott handn’t of conceded a penalty… we wouldn’t have conceded 8 goals, we might even have got a result. In tough times, missing 8 players or not, you want the senior players to stand up and be counted. Not run off and hide. Of the youngsters, only Jenkinson really didn’t much wrong in getting sent off and as I’ve tried to reason, Djourou and Walcott need to take a large dose of that responsibility.
Our form guide since the Carling Cup final is DDDWDDWDDLWLLDDLL which is an anagram of BOTTLING TOSSERS. Until the Arsenal players group together, decide not to be lazy, decide not to be morons then it doesn’t matter if you have Gary Cahill coming in, or Kaka or any other player – the results will continue to go down the toilet. Even Gary Cahill, who most of you assure me is the answer to all of Arsenals problems, conceded 3 goals at the weekend because like poor Carl Jenkinson he was surrounded by muppets.
Anyway Wenger said yesterday: “I am very open to signing players if we find players who can strengthen the team. We have a lot of people working on that”. If? IF?? FUCKING IF? I could name quite a few players that wouldn’t have lost 8-2, even Stoke won’t be humiliated like that this season. But, on a level I think I understand what Wenger means and it’s what I’ve been saying for a long time – the footballers at AFC are becoming lazy dipshits, who don’t try, and who don’t care. Obvious exceptions like Wilshere and Frimpong aside, no one at the club seems to give a shit – that’s an appalling attitude to have and it’s not a culture or ethos that will be changed at all by buying players. We need to get our fucking heads up before we drown.
Kieran (@kieran_delaney)
