The enforced break between domestic games for internationals is super dull, and it’s probably worse for Arsenal fans considering we sit with baited breath waiting for our internationally inclined players to limp home with bits missing. I fully expect Nasri to come back without a head, Arshavin to be 4 stone heavier, and Clichy to come back, well like the cabbage he’s been for a good few weeks.

Did anyone see the France game the other night? I knew I’d hate myself for it, but I watched some of it – Clichy made a few sizable mistakes, and if France hadn’t scored 2 goals in the last ten minutes, or Romania had of scored one of the chances Clichy gave them on a plate, he’d be a national villain now, booed by every Frenchman in the land. It’s horrible, his brain appears to have turned to mush.

The frightening thing is, Gibbs looks ready to take his place but it seems like Gibbs can’t play more than 10 seconds without his foot dissolving – maybe it’s entirely due to the water on the pitch and the fact that he has feet made of dispersible aspirin, but if he gets his chance I fully expect it to last less than 90 minutes before he’s stretchered off and taken to the corned beef factory.

Rosicky appears to be in once piece with all his limbs, but then Scotland effectively stacked their 11 players on the goal line. A human wall if you will. Incredible tactics, running out to a 4-6-0 formation. It begs the question, isn’t that quite adventurous for Scotland? wouldn’t 10-0-0 be a bit more Scottish? Mugs. It wasn’t even effective – at least Graham’s team won stuff for us, Scotland look like they couldn’t play their way out of a paper bag. Rosicky though played the full 90 minutes. So he’ll need to rest for a week.

Arshavin also played a full 90 – well, he did what he does for us, he actually stood about chatting for 85 minutes like a child in a playground before playing a lovely pass or two and generally tormenting the opposition defense for 5 minutes. I mean, he’s probably the most frustrating player in an Arsenal shirt ever. Hleb was frustrating (SHOOT, FOR FUCKS SAKE SHOOT), but Arshavin takes it a step further because he’s scored loads and assisted loads and always looks good on the ball – but apart from incredible incisive through balls, he can’t pass it without losing it and he does have a tendency to just stand there. If he spent 90 minutes running around he’d have scored 300 goals already this season – I mean, he only tried for 3 minutes against Liverpool and he scored 4 goals so… if he’d have put 100% in for the entire 90 we’d have probably humped them 28-4 instead of just taking a point.

In other news Rambo will apparently be back in full training in less than two weeks – I’m more excited than a child in a sweet shop with a £20 note on Xmas eve. Wilshere/Rambo in the middle – it’s the future. Hopefully he’ll just hit back into his stride quickly and not go the route of Eduardo or Diaby (corned beef, I tell you). He also won the young Welsh Player of the year – despite being out for most of the year. It’s a great achievement for the lad, especially as it’s the second year in a row that he’s collected it – but it’s pretty sad for Welsh football when a lad with a mangled leg who hasn’t kicked a ball for the year still wins the best young player award. Are the rest of them in wheelchairs? Don’t answer that, I saw the highlights.

Ah, bad tackles. I’m quite outspoken I think, going so far as to suggest some lads from Newcastle should pop to De Jongs house in the middle of the night and put a sawn off to his knees and show him what “measured action” is. If he never walks again it’d save the careers of hundreds of footballers he is yet to maim. The cretin.

Anyway, big Phil McNulty has weighed in. He’s a sports writer for the BBC don’t ya know, which automatically renders his opinion null and void. I’m not going to give him a platform here, but you can easily find his garbage on the BBC site. Essentially, because watching a game at Stoke is “an intoxicating experience” and the Britannia Stadium “where the passion of the crowd dovetails with the physical approach of the team” players should be allowed to go round kicking each other up in the air. Fuck off, Stoke is a shit tip and the Britannia Stadium is a cowshed full of cabbages – if you’re trying to say letting Shawcross attempt to kill people is good because it excites the crowd, why don’t you fuck off back to ancient Rome and watch the Gladiators.

The man is amazing – there is some philosphy in this argument but essentially he’s also suggested that a bad tackle cannot be a bad tackle unless you can get into the mind of the player making it because he might not have meant it that way and technically if you don’t know if it’s a bad tackle it might be a bad tackle and a good tackle at the same time andsoreally howcanwestopitifthecatisn’treallydead?

Confused? It’ll rot your brain. Marseille are threatening to sue De Jong. Interesting to see how that goes, but you have to applaud the effort. I think it’s destined to fail, you can’t sue someone for being an obnoxious dangerous wanker and the jury is still out as to whether it was even a bad tackle (obviously it was).

Something else that is confusing – just how much money the Glazers paid for Manchester United. If you multiplied the operating profit by 10 to get an approximate value of the club – it’d still be £500m-£1b short of what they paid for it. That is bad maths.

And the Liverpool thing – he haw hilarious. The thing the rat-eaters keep forgetting is these men bought the club to make money. They stand to lose £150m. It can’t have gone to plan. You keep hearing people suggest they are deliberately fucking it up and breaking promises and this that and the other. The point is, those guys might be utter twats, but they don’t want to lose money. It was in their interest for everything to go well. Lawrence Gray-Hodson takes it apart in further detail (warning – do not take article 100% seriously).

So that’s about all there is to it. If you really want a Monday Morning laugh watch this. If it wasn’t so fucking funny I’d cry – Youtube Rat-eaters

  • Shubham

    Phew, finally we have something to read. Neither nor any other football website put up anything interesting in the past 3 days. Fu*k these international breaks. As it is, theres only one team being benefited from these breaks, CHELSEA. Anelka is unofficially retired, bloody essien has taken temporary retirement so that he can CONCENTRATE on chelsea, it buys their injured players some time to come back to full fitness, drogba and co. seem to b least bothered when they play fr their country, Its funny how terry gets injured before evry international game and comes back in style to play for the ones who PAY him etc etc. No wonder the squad stays injury free and play well. They are all a disgrace. Hardly a player or two play for their country with the same passion as they play for chelsea.

  • Gooner Get Ya

    Sagna is out for 3 weeks!!! Chamakh got kicked in the head but carried on playing so hopefully he is ok. Let’s hope TV, RVP, Ceac and Walcott are ready soon.

  • Berth

    nice article Kieran

  • Gooner Get Ya

    Rumours are that we are in for Lukaku, if this is true i will be very happy with this signing.

  • Berth

    To replace who – Vela?

  • Gooner Get Ya

    @ Berth:

    He is only 17, so why replace anyone? I is a tall, weighty forward so if he replaces anyone it would be Bentdner?

  • Nick

    Lukaku would be an incredible signing for us for the very near future. He’s most likely replace Vela or Bendtner depending on which one thinks they deserve a starting spot more and feels they’ll only get it elsewhere.