Squillaci, Scwarzer and Goals. Lots of goals.

What a bloody awesome footballish weekend! We racked up our greatest win at the Emirates in fine form (although Blackpool didn’t help themselves), Theo showed a cutting edge for the first time since that game against Croatia and elsewhere the goals flew in all weekend. The premiership saw 3 different 6-0 results. That’s 15% of all 6-0 wins in the history of the premiership (20) in 1 weekend!

Great to see Brede Hangeland score the goal that lost the mancy’s 2pts after his unfortunate own goal. Unit*d looked comfortable without ever dominating and after the first goal sat right back. Say what you like about the Brillo headed arse in charge of them, but Fulham were a class act and never gave up, whilst Unit*d looked distinctly average. Any team that struggles against an opposition containing Dickson Etuhu and John Pantsil are in trouble.  Paul Scholes goal was, as much I dislike the rat face, great. He’s in such good form, he’s carrying Unit*d’s midfield at the moment. Hopefully his legs fall off before we get there on Dec 11.

Everyone’s favourite pantomime villain Joey Barton was at it as well yesterday, inspring the vestiphobics to a 6-0 win. Thankfully now the sex pest face fuzz can go and we can go back to hating Barton for his thuggish criminal ways, rather than his mustache. Theo’s nemesis Chris Waddle was commentating, which was great for two reasons. First, he’s probably the most biased commentator I’ve ever heard which added a hilarity all of it’s own when he decided NUFC could be pushing for Europe by the end of the season, but most importantly he can’t speak properly. It sounds like he has a washing machine in his mouth and a fruit bowl for brains. “I’m not sure that was a pelanty”, no that’s right Chris, normal people refer to them as penalties. This is a man who criticised our hat trick hero for not having a football brain.

Anyway, in Arsenal-ish news it seems like we’ve nearly signed a CB. Sébastien Squillaci, a 30 year old Frenchman. I really don’t know enough about him at the moment to pass judgement – but he’s a proven winner. I saw the Copa del Rey final in which Sevilla beat Athletico 2-0, and I saw him pick up a yellow card. I don’t remember thinking anything other than Sevilla were organised at the back. I certainly don’t remember him standing out. He also played 20 minutes in the Champions League final (2004) and won the French league twice – so he knows what it takes to win. Time will tell, and a centre back is a centre back, whilst Song is not, right?

So, Sevilla have taken the odd approach of announcing that we’ve agreed a deal publicly and that the player is on his way for a medical. That’s how it works in football, you do the medical when the deal is done, just before the papers are signed. You’ll have probably seen the rumors floating about on twitter or elsewhere that Schwarzer failed an Arsenal medical on three separate criteria. There hasn’t been a medical of any kind because the two clubs haven’t agreed a deal. Anything that suggests otherwise is fantasy.

In any case, considering our squad is held together with ducktape and several of the players have legs made of Swarovski crystal, even if he did fail three elements of a medical, I wouldn’t expect that to impede the signing of Schwarzer. Knowing our track record, if he did break, we’d probably prop him up with broom sticks like a scarecrow in the goal and attach CD’s to his jersey to reflect light into attackers eyes. He’d still catch more crosses and corners than Flappy.

On the subject of the goalkeeper and in particular his current manager Brillo-head and his comments at the weekend, apparently Arsenal are ‘unsettling’ Schwarzer. As far as I’m aware we made a bid for him, which Fulham made public. Fulham then continue to not play the player, whilst talking about how much Arsenal are unsettling him. I know he likes to talk, but I’m not actually sure if it’s actually occured to Mark Hughes that he’s unsettling his own player by continually talking about it. Arsenal have been quite dignified and quiet about it. If there’s any justice in the world, Fifa will retroactively ban the hypocrite from football for life for the way he behaved at Man City before he was sacked. He didn’t seem bothered about unsettling players then. Gareth Barry. Kolo Toure. Cough cough. Arsehole.

Walcott has been speaking out this morning, deciding he’d be more than happy to do an ‘Henry’ and switch to centre forward. So would I actually as it means he can use his best asset, his speed, whilst rarely being expected to cross the ball, the weakest part of his game. We know it worked for Henry, but I still can’t help young Theo isn’t quite as gifted as the great Frenchman despite his weekend heroics. Either way, if it stops him having to cross the ball, I’m in. And I think he showed on Saturday he can finish.

Hopefully this will be the season that Walcott becomes the footballer we’ve all seen glimpses of. Injury and a lack of experience have conspired against him at times. I genuinely believe being left out of Englands shit show at the World Cup has benefited him – he looks like a player with a point to prove.

I’m looking forward to Blackburn at the weekend, I’ll be sitting in the away end alongside the other travelling gooners trying to keep my eyes on Sam Allardyce in the misguided hope that he might spontaneously combust. Fingers crossed.


  • Arsefan101

    “As far as I’m aware we made a bid for him, which Fulham made public.”

    Hear hear!!

  • instigator008

    Great post! Loved the bit about flappy being replaced by a CD bedazzled scarecrow. Priceless!

  • devday

    Wow, that’s an amazing stat – 15% of all the premiership 6-0’s in one weekend. Was very surprised to see Villa buckle under the St. James park home crowd!

    Still can’t believe the Alan Hansen swipe at Theo… thought Theo had one of his best games, and at 21, can only get better! Was quite perturbed that Hansen said that Theo had no footballing brain – quite an insult for a footballer… do you remember when Thierry Henry first joined, he didn’t always make the right decisions! Theo looks like he can be very effective, and I hope he can do this week in and week out!!

  • Kieran

    Alan Hansen is the guy who thinks the Dutch are disgusting for playing physically against Spain, but thinks it’s fine for Shawcross to snap someones leg. He’s a prick.

  • Arsefan101

    Where does his logic come from?

  • devday

    @ instigator008:
    Classic line!

  • devday

    @ Arsefan101:
    There is no logic! It’s Alan Hansen!!!!

  • vj

    grat post kieran, for once i really don’t know what our team will be like this weekend, the GK depends on whether we sign swharzer or not, and with song joining up with cesc in midfield, the third place is between diaby and rosicky ( rosicky, no brainer) and the front three will be a touch choice for arsene, robin and chamakh pich themselves, but there is also theo and arshavin. Maybe arshavin or chamakh will get rested, but it would be harsh to drop theo after a hatrick, but then again away at blackburn, theo will NOT

  • Bonathan

    Interesting rumour floating round that wenger is thinking of adding another defender even after the addition of squillaci. could this be true?? i can’t see it myself. The only way i could see that being true was if he had serious doubts about djourou’s recurrence injuries/ability to comeback

  • Arsefan101

    @ Bonathan:
    I think it’s just a misinterpretion of his comments pre-Squillaci – I am sure 4 defenders + song would be it – by defensive signing, it’s a new GK… perhaps…